ya tt's wat i'm doin now.. now time is 1132 and i hav done no revision since i wake up at 0820.. duno wat i've time but time juz pass by..
juz feel tt at every other stage of my life there ar ppl changing.. and they juz drift furthur and furthur away frm me.. not wat i've known of.. or does it always exist juz tt i nv notice till now?
world is always changing.. life can nv be the same.. no more as simple as i tink.. or is it me tt's changing.. i wan nth more than peace and simple.. is it bcos of tis tt i hav in mind tt i've become more withdrawn frm everything? kind of refrain myself from anything, everything..
juz dun care.. whether it concern mi or not.. juz wan to lead my life the way i wan it to be.. but things always dun turn out the way u wan to be..
i feel small.. is tt thought of mine selfish so much so tt it deprive me of stuffs which i really desire? who am i? wat i wan? wat i really wan to be? wat kind of chase am i in? wat am i doin now? y am i doin all kinds of things tt i've done?
i feel tt i've been living for other ppl ever since i left sec sch.. since then i feel as if i'm a failure.. i once hav a goal, once i am confident, once i am myself..
it's tiring trying to blend into other ppls' life.. trying to keep up wif others.. trying to establish relationships.. at times i wan to be more friendly but juz cant do tt.. but i dun admire ppl whu's popular.. diff ppl hav diff ways of life.. so sad that they are entwined together.. comparing in the dark..
merry making all the time but duno for wat purpose.. making others happy doesnt make mi happy.. saying smt tt others like to hear doesnt make mi a better person.. i dun wan to be a hypocrite.. but tt's life.. i guess almost everybody wear a mask.. hide away everything..
the more u try to hide the furthur away the gap btn 2 ppl.. being frank is gd? not really.. oxymoron.. there's so much things to learn abt life.. maybe when i'm forty i still duno wat i'm living for.. i trying to do smt stupid.. trying to find the perfection in my life.. there's no such things.. i'm human, it's normal to err..
i hate it when ppl try to make faces at mi.. esp those who seems close to u but at times try to shoot u back in low voices.. contradiction of wanting u to hear it but dun wan to make it obvious.. wat does tt mean..
tt's y i dun like to stick to juz the same few ppl as u move on frm 1 stage to another.. cos w/o them u ar alone.. there's ppl whu juz cant stand being alone but i dun reject loneliness.. i try to get into other grps.. tt's y its tiring.. it's gd to keep hav some1 u trust but not wif u all the time physically so u can share.. whu would tt be? haiz..
maybe tt's my idea to be prefect so i'm actually the 1 making myself running in circles and miss stuffs tt's happening rite now.. juz trying to establish my identity..
maybe 1 day i'll move away from spore in search of my world and freedom.. maybe tt's 1 of the reasons y i hope to learn lots of languages..
i'm not entertaining funny thoughts.. i'm not interested in dying at all.. hahaa.. cos ppl say when u start to question urself it's dangerous.. i juz wan to sort out my thinking, reorganise my life and go on wif it.. i dun wan a blurred one, duno wat i shd do everyday and let it go into history.. how long am i gg to take.. duno.. maybe i wont, its rubbish tt i'm typing anyway..
anyone, everyone has tis kind of thoughts on and off.. i'm okie.. juz blabbering.. juz trying to do some thinking.. juz trying to put my thoughts down so i noe wat went thru my mind..
hav been thinking and typing for 30 mins.. guess i'll stop everything nw..
